


Stumbling Spiral

by FallzVentus



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Calm Caduceus is Calm, Comfort, Gen, Mentions of Yasha, Spoilers, post episode 78, reflections, subtle Molly mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-25 17:23:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20727977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallzVentus/pseuds/FallzVentus
Summary: Everything has been one whirlwind after another. Caleb is not sure if he will be able to handle everything going on. The failures are stacking up. Everything is out of control. If only he had a moment of calm.





	Stumbling Spiral

**Author's Note:**

> This was born from random thoughts at around midnight and my desire to get out of a creative slump. I love the dynamic of all the mighty nein, but Caleb's interactions with them all hits me the most. So here's this little talk he has with Caduceus. I hope you all enjoy it. I felt good to write again.

Caleb was uneasy. A lot was happening at once. It was all becoming very overwhelming. He wondered if his party felt the same. There was a good chance Jester did, but he didn’t know about the others. He wouldn’t be surprised if they were.

If he had to guess, he would have to say this uneasy feeling arose when they were forced to leave Yasha behind. If they only stayed and fought. If they only tried harder. If they only saved her. They would not be going through any of this if they just saved her, but they didn’t. They failed. 

Now the Cobalt Soul has been attacked. Yasha is being forced to kill innocent people The laughing hand is free to roam the lands and unleash unspeakable horror amongst the populace. And to top it all off, Obann was working towards bringing what could be considered the servants of the apocalypse into the world, and the only ones who could attempt to stop him were the Mighty Nein. 

It’s just so much on top of everything with the war. The uneasy feeling grew. 

“Mr. Caleb?” a voice suddenly says. Caleb looks up to see Caduceus walking up to him. “Everything alright?” The wizard took a deep breath.

“I would be lying if I said yes. I will be fine though. Just needed some air and a change of scenery,” he told the taller firbolg. Caduceus gave one of his calming smiles. 

“This tree does give off a sense of peace, doesn’t it?” Caleb looked up at the gigantic tree the party planted and decorated the moment they moved into the Xhor-House. When they were all together and didn’t have to worry about the end of the world.

“Ja. It does.”

“You seem to be troubled. Are you thinking about the scourger?” Caleb let out a small chuckle. 

“If I’m being perfectly honest, she’s one of the last things on my mind.” Though she was present. “Thank you, by the way, for coming to my aid when she...you know.” 

“It was nothing. You needed help. I was just the first to react.” 

“Still. Thank you.” 

The two Mighty Nein members stood in silence. Caduceus looked upon the glistening lights cast upon their tree while Caleb stared at the permanent dark sky above them. His thoughts about recent events wouldn’t leave him. He looked to Caduceus.

“How...How do you manage to stay so calm?” the wizard asked.   
“Hm?” Caduceus replied looking over to him. 

“You just have this calming aura around you most of the time. Not to say you never panic or feel any other emotions, but when the party is overwhelmed by frantic emotions, you seem to be the first one to go to for a sense of calm. How?” 

Caduceus looked to the lights and seemed to be in deep thought. After a couple of seconds, he looks to the wizard.

“I guess you can say I’m calm because I know that once I am calm, I can take on the obstacles ahead of me.” Caleb stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. “Life is full of surprises that will catch us off guard. Something from the past. Something we failed to do or just ignored. Something out of our control. Nature had designed life to be a chaotic upward spiral. We can have our moments of fear, panic, sadness, anger, etc., but once we are calm, we can continue up that spiral.”

Caleb thought on the words. To say the group has stumbled going up this spiral would be an understatement, but they were still going. Still fighting. Still trying. Despite everything that has happened. 

“Do you still think that? Even after all the terrible choices we’ve made?” he asked. The cleric nodded. 

“Even with the bad decisions we’ve made, we can still make things right. Do some good. Continue up the spiral.” Caleb chuckled. 

“Leaving things better than we found it, or I guess we more so crashed into it than ‘found’ it.” Caduceus smiled in response. 

The two looked to the tree. To the lights that stood out in the darkness. Though the uneasy feeling had not vanished, it was blanketed by something else. This calming sensation that made it easy to speak your troubles. To express what you’ve been hiding. Caleb felt this before, but from someone who was no longer with them. No. Someone who continues to inspire them to do better. He placed his head on Caduceus’s arm and closed his eyes. 

That person is gone, but Caduceus was here. Fjord was here. Jester was here. Beau was here. Nott was here. Caleb was here. The Mighty Nein were here. Ever since they lost him, the Nein has overcome grief, struggle, loss, and failure. Who knows what they’ll be able to do as they continue to climb? The people they can help walk up the spiral along the way.

“What are you thinking about now, Mr. Caleb?” Caduceus asked. Caleb lets out a small smile. 

“That a lot of things have happened since that day in the tavern. Many good. Many bad. One of our friends has stumbled pretty badly. She needs our help getting back up. I want to help her.” he says. 

The pink-haired firbolg smiles. 

“And we will.”


End file.
